Tidbits from this week

• I've been complaining a lot about pregnancy symptoms. Here's a good one: you have to let it all hang out which forces you to accept yourself. For example: last night, I ate pretty late (I had a major snack attack when I came home and I downed some chips and salsa so I didn't really have dinner until 9 because I wasn't hungry). So I'm looking at my stomach which looks larger than usual. It's like after I eat, my stomach looks big and then goes back down a little. I know I'm "thicker" in my stomach/abdomen area but sometimes I'm thicker than others. Anyway, I can't get rid of the stomach. I know it's only going to get bigger. All I can do is eat simply and healthily and exercise in hopes that I don't gain too much weight. I'm only concerned about gaining too much weight because I don't want to put the baby in danger. So, I have to let it all hang out. And I feel pretty good about that.
• I had a disturbing dream last night that my grandmother was being really mean to me. She was mad that I opened a packet of butter and then she yelled at me for mashing all my food together. I excused myself from the table and went to another room to get away from her. In reality, this would never happen. I don't think my grandmother has ever said anything mean to me. She almost did, once, but stopped herself. Yeah...weird.
• Yesterday, a lady was talking about a former roommate that she kicked out because his behavior was increasingly disturbing and they had a huge fight. She's kind of a bleeding heart so I guess that's why she took him in in the first place. Anyway, the guy's in his 60s, has a part time job, no money, no car, nothing. I don't know if he recently divorced and is starting from scratch or what but he just doesn't seem to have it together nor the desire to get it together. A tiny part of me feels sorry for him but a much larger part says "too bad, so sad, get your shit together." God forbid I find myself in the same situation. But I'm also a strong believer in 'Merica and the extreme luck we have for just being born here, especially when you hear such horror stories from other countries. I think I would also feel guilty if I didn't feel like he was threatening the lady telling the story. Anyway, it was all just disturbing to me.

Stitch and Moan

More pregnancy related news: I'm tired. Alot.

I'm completely apathetic about making food. I don't want to deal with it at all and, with all apologies to Triciathered, my fridge is suffering from it. Triciathered visited this weekend and opened the crisper drawer or, as I like to call it, "if it's not open, I don't know that it's there and therefore don't have to deal with it." Which is not the case because veggies will continue to decompose no matter how much you try to avoid their existence.

Even grocery shopping seems like a chore!! We were flopping around Whole Foods yesterday (complete with parking!) and it was so difficult to make a decision. I just kept thinking "ugh, if I buy it, I have to DO something with it."

I'm all for eating. In fact, I have to eat every two hours. Not because I want to, but because I will turn into a psycho hose-beast if I do not. And I can't eat a giant meal thinking it will tie me over. No, giant meals make me sick. Little meals all day long are the only thing to do. I love eating but it gets a little old when you have to do it all the time. And it's "snacky" food. No steak and potatoes but fruits, nuts, protein...

It tastes good, I'm just not used to it.

The midwife said I need to have 80 grams of protein a day. It's a huge amount, especially since I have to cook meat to get it. You know, instead of just slapping on my turkey lunchmeat to a piece of bread.

I think things will get better. Especially since I did buy some yogurt, grapes, and stuffed grape leaves yesterday. I already ate the grape leaves but it's nice to know that I have a few other snacks lying around.

The stitch part of this post: if I cough too much or move in a weird way, I get stitches in my side. Like the muscle is like "YO! You could do that before but uh uh, not now."

Allergy season is making this particular prego symptom so much fun.

Annnnnndddd scene.

Does this pregnancy make me look fat?

Yeah, I know I already posted a food blog with this same title but I think the title is funny. So there.
So...pregnancy. Yeah. Whole new adventure. I remember, before my biological clock started beating my brain, that I would hear all the crappy details about pregnancy and think, "God, why would ANYONE do this to themselves?" But to tell you the truth, it's not that bad.
I've heard it's like being on your period the whole 9 months (like period symptoms). But that's not true either. Well, for me it hasn't been.
Sure, I've had breast tenderness, emotional plummets, weird stretching feelings in my uterus (not cramps, but like strettttching), vaginal sensitivity, food cravings, food aversions, aversions to smells, nausea, hard stools, increased discharge, headaches, tailbone ache, fatigue, and backache. And I'm in my 11th week. I don't imagine that it's going to get easier but I do believe that I will handle it all.
Maybe it's all mental. I don't expect myself to feel bouncy glorious all the time. But I wasn't like that before either. You just kind of wake up in the morning, see what's going on, and get out of bed. I'm not dreading anything that's going to happen, although I had a few moments when I was nauseous three weeks straight and having those weird stretching pains that I wondered if this was worth it all.
But yesterday I got proof that it is worth it. I saw my baby. S/he is 1.5 inches long and very active although I can't feel it. The ultrasound showed s/he doing somersaults, moving arms and feet, and just looking like they were having the best time. I cried from relief, joy, and the intense realization I was growing a baby. I think I became a mother yesterday. I could confirm what I only speculated. It was wonderful. I really hope everything works out because I want to meet that little person. They look like they're fun.

Cranky pants

Multitudes of patrons + exasperated staff - missing staff due to vacation = cranky pants

Newsworthies

Some of the latest in the news...well, not really. I guess it's just stuff I've read that I find interesting:

* Secret Life of a Soccer Mom is a show on TLC that I watched last night. It's interesting. It gives stay at home moms the chance to live out a dream career. In the case of the person last night, she was a gourmet chef before she got married and pregnant. The show gave her an opportunity to go back to that life for a week. At the end of the show she was offered a job**. My complaint of the show is that it had those stupid reality TV dramatic pauses where they pan to everyone's face and then back to the person asked the question. Other than that, it was interesting watching this mom (who, honestly, I thought probably just made PB&J all day) whip up awesome, pleasing culinary treats. One time, she was given one ingredient to incorporate into a dessert on the spot. Newsweek had an article about the reaction from angry moms after the show premiered (I had some technical issues reading this so hopefully you won't). I am disgusted that people were so close minded about this show. Give the ladies a break!! Berating a mother who chooses to stop staying at home so that she can become a fashion designer?? Please!! She stayed at home for ten years, if she decides to resume her career, let her! Her children will suffer irreperable damage because she won't be at home anymore? Unlikely. I completely agree with the comments from the level-headed Newsweek readers that many times, women have no choice and must work when they have children. Not everyone can afford to live on one income. Some women choose to work because *gasp* they can't handle be at home. Does that mean that they are unfit mothers? No. Small mindedness.

*MSN has an article about hoarders. I watched a show about trash in NYC some time ago and one aspect of the show was about hoarders. It was appalling and intriguing. I would like to help these people which means I would like to go in there with some large trashbags or dumpsters and clear all their stuff out. But that is not the solution because the problem is way more complex than that. I do want a job I heard about on NPR. This job, you work for the city or county and when someone dies alone, you go to their house and try to connect them with a relative or friend. It was interesting, sad, but seemed worthwhile. Like part detective, part advocate, part historian, etc.

*The Vatican released a new list of sins. At the top: thou shalt not hurt the environment (not their language). My reaction: hmmm...maybe the Christian Right will take care of the environment because the Vatican says so. Goody! To my surprise, an NPR story quoted leaders of the Southern Baptists saying "we were too timid about the environment" and "we should protect the Earth because God made it." Yeah! See the light, people. See the light.

Pic of the moment:

**SPOILER: she didn't take it. She decided to stay at home with her kids.

Songs and stories

I don't know how many people I am close to have been affected by Alzheimer's or dementia from relatives and friends but I have been affected by it. The Dixie Chicks were on Austin City Limits the other night and Natalie said that their song "Silent House" is about Natalie's experience with her grandmother and her Alzheimer's. It was already a nice and touching song but knowing the story put it in its own catagory. The lyrics are posted below and if you get the chance to listen to the song, please do.

These walls have eyes
Rows of photographs
And faces like mine
Who do we become
Without knowing where
We started from
It's true I'm missing you
As I stand alone in your room

Everyday that will pass you by
Every name that you won't recall
Everything that you made by hand
Everything that you know by heart

And I will try to connect
All the pieces you left
I will carry it on
And let you forget
And I'll remember the years
When your mind was clear
How the laughter and life
Filled up this silent house

One room
Two single beds
In the closet hangs
Your favorite dress
The books that you read
Are in scattered piles
Of paper shreds

Everything that you made by hand
Everything that you know by heart
And I will try to connect
All the pieces you left
I will carry it on
And let you forget
And I'll remember the years
When your mind was clear
How the laughter and life
Filled up this silent house

Silent house

In the garden off the living room
A chill fills the air
And the lilies bloom
And I will try to connect
All the pieces you left
I will carry it on
And let you forget
And I'll remember the years
When your mind was clear
How the laughter and life
Filled up this

And I will try to connect
All the pieces you left
I will carry it on
And let you forget
And I'll remember the years
When your mind was clear
How the laughter and life
Filled up this silent house
Silent house

New and improved!

I decided to move to Blogger because I don't want to post everything I have to say in Myspace, it's easier to get to, and my neglected blog over on Livejournal has run it's course. Hence the birth of my newest literary adventure!!

To inaugurate this endeavor: crotch-grabbing. Not just for people riddled with VD anymore!

Pic of the moment: