Live life to the fullest

I just finished listening to My Rollercoaster by Kimya Dawson and in it, she states "live life to the fullest." I completely agree with her. But my question is, if I am waiting out my job until the next breath of freedom (dr.'s appt., vacation, 5:00 pm), am I living life to the fullest?? I would say no. I would say that I need to find a job I enjoy and I don't count down the hours. I would say that I need to be at a job where I'm not responsible for supervising people because I don't like supervising people unless I get to make the rules and I don't now. I am well aware of the whole "living to justify the means" kind of approach that I feel towards life..which is why I'm in this job, for security. And for the most part, I like the people. I just don't like the situation that I'm in. This dreaded renovation has made people stupid. It's stupid in itself. We should be in a different building where we aren't interrupted from serving people by requests to clean, take people to different, monitor those people on the floors, etc. All of this kerfuffle is from the renovation. And it's bringing out the worst in me. It's bringing out the stressed out Booklahver, the "shut down, make decisions, no arguments" Booklahver who is quick tempered and quick to action. I don't want to be stressed out. If not for my own mental clarity, for the fact that I don't want my baby to suffer. I know my stress level affects him and I don't want it to. I try to justify the situation with "it's not that bad, don't stress out" etc. but then the next heap of frustration hits my plate and it's all happening so fast, I don't have time to shut it out.
So, back to my favorite question ever, what's the solution?? Quit? Extended vacation? I try to let it roll off my back but I just have a really hard time doing that. The last three nights, I have had stressful work related dreams. Ridiculous, I know. But that is telling me something. What do I do?? I need help!

Speaking to a pregnant woman

Things you should never say to a pregnant lady:

• "Oh, you look big, you look as big as (insert some comparison that is not flattering)."

I was compared to a woman who gave birth two days before the statement was made. I still have three months. I would assume that you also would not say "Oh, you look small" or any other comments on size. We get it: we look different. We are aware of that.

• "I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world."

How can anyone interpret this statement in a positive way? Listen, the world hasn't changed. The same shit is happening only on an adjusted scale. And I'm sure someone made the same statement to you when you were pregnant in that "oh so joyful time" that you have nostalgized to become oh so joyful. Like a sympathetic friend said: "at least the Holocaust isn't happening." True dat. Also: I'm not going to abort my baby because I think the world is bad. I chose to carry this blessing.

• "Let me look at you from the side. Turn around."

This is another size issue. I'm not a piece of meat. Your insistence to observe me is only so you can make further comments about my size. Can't you just wait until I turn to the side instead of requesting that I do so? I move frequently so there's bound to be a time when you will see me from the side. You can observe at that point with the addition of refraining from comments so I don't have to hear how big/small/cute/whatever I look like. I'm well aware. I live with it.

Things you should say to a pregnant lady:

• "You look great!" and other positive comments


• Anything non-pregnancy related. "How about that local sports team?" "Did you read the latest article on blah blah?" "What are your thoughts on blah blah?"


• Talk about yourself and the exciting events happening in your life.


• Positive questions about the pregnancy like "When are you due?" "Is it a boy/girl?" "Do you have any names?"

Some women may not enjoy answering the last couple of questions but I have no problem with it. It shows that the person is interested in your pregnancy without making further comments that are negative.

Also: if you ask a pregnant lady what she has chosen as a birthing plan (hospital vs. midwife, medication vs. no medication, etc.) and she says something you don't agree with, don't argue, make negative comments, or generally give the impression that you don't agree with the plan. Her body, her baby, her choice. Unless she is telling you she is taking drugs, smoking, drinking heavily, and bungee jumping, whatever she chooses is comfortable for her. FOR HER! Who gives a holy Hell what you want to do? Now, if she says "what do you plan on doing?" simply tell her what you plan and you can see how the conversation will develop from there.

Speaking to pregnant ladies is easy. It's almost like having a conversation with a regular person in that you consider their thoughts and feelings when you have the conversation. Shocking?

Pic of the day:

Battle of the first lady hopefuls!!

Is it wrong that I'm creeped out by Cindy McCain?? She looks like a Stepford wife. Observe:

She looks like the kind of well-dressed older lady that, if she were to come into your business or place of work, you wouldn't want to piss off because she could sue the crap out of you without blinking an eye. If you did piss her off or made her time there uncomfortable, she would give you a steely gaze with a "well, what CAN you do for me?" remark. She also doesn't look very maternal to me. Of course, the other side of the feelings of lack of maternity could be, despite her vast fortune, her recipe deceit. Now, I know a lot of people would say "what does looking maternal have to do with being the first lady and blah blah blah?" Short answer: nothing. Long answer: following politics as little as I do (my main source of news is Wait Wait Don't Tell Me), I base a lot of opinions on bits and pieces that I pick up around radio stations and/or news websites. And so far: all I get is some scary Mr. Potter-esque faces from Cindy with Recipegate not too far behind.

On the other hand, look at Michelle Obama:

No recipe scandals, she looks maternal and womanly, she just seems like the kind of lady that would come in your place of business and be very nice and polite. In fact, by the end, you probably would be laughing and thinking "what a nice lady!". She has been the victim of some stupid things too: Fox news-related mostly. I just get good feelings from her where Cindy McCain leaves me feeling like I just got classed, in her mind, as a servant.

For more info, read the current Newsweek's article on Cindy McCain. I haven't read it yet but I did read the one on Michelle Obama and it was good. Perhaps the one on Cindy will change my mind about her but....again, the picture still creeps me out.

Wah wah wah

I had another, but very mini, breakdown yesterday. This one involved a dinner I had made the previous night. Here's the scoop:

On Saturday, I made enchiladas. This was the first time I have ever made enchiladas. I bought a McCormick's seasoning pack and followed the directions of heating up sauce in one pan while browning the ground beef (and I added onions) in the other. Seems simple, right? Well, in efforts to minimize dishes (which I hate) I decided I would also make Mexican rice in the same pan I browned the beef after draining it and wiping it out. Anyway, the whole point is that it took me forever, or what seemed like forever, to make these two dishes. Everything came out wonderfully but it was pretty labor intensive for a novice like myself.

So, fine and dandy. I make, usually, one dish over the weekend with the expectation that I will eat it during the week for lunch. I also encourage my husband to eat the dish when I've made it but...he's a little weird about eating. He has been known to eat an entire dish of macaroni and cheese "just because it tasted so good." This raises my hackles. The mac and cheese, not so much but when I've prepared a dish that took several hours to make, I want it to last a long time. Not eaten in one setting. He also has the mentality that things in the fridge should not last more than two days (he used to make a huge pot of something, in his bachelor days, and eat only that for several days vs. my eating what I am in the mood for).

So when he approached me last night saying he could eat half of the leftovers or all of it, I had a sad little breakdown. I was upset that I was upset about the fact that I had worked so hard and it was going to be gone in so little time. So we had a "discussion" about eating habits and I was bummed for about an hour or so. Which brings up another point.

I want to make more meals like this. I want to whip up dishes without using a recipe. And it just takes practice. But I gotta tell you: I have no energy. I have energy in the mornings and early afternoons and then around 4 or 5, it all falls away. I spent last night on a bed, lying there watching TV. It could be the pregnancy but it may just be me.

I feel like I waste a ton of energy at work because I have a "sit at the desk and type emails" kind of job. So for roughly 9 hours a day, I'm sitting on my butt. And then I get home, I have no energy. I keep thinking that if I stayed at home, I could get used to making delicious dishes and then I wouldn't have food insecurity when it came to stuff like the previous episode. And besides feeling like I would gain "food security", I want to stay at home.

To me, becoming a mother means providing for your family. Again, besides wanting to do all of this domestic goddess stuff, I feel it is my duty, my "job" but in a good way. True, I won't be providing financially for my family but if I could use the skills I learn to save us money, then wouldn't that be a little similar?? I could always get a part-time job if we just desperately needed money.

Bottom line: I want to stay home, in a few months I will need to stay home, and maybe naively and subconsciously, I'm painting a rosy picture for staying home. It just seems like it can't come fast enough as I sit here and let me legs atrophy, my energy waste and my butt expand.

RUDE! or hormonal imbalance??

So, I'm making my way to the cafeteria in the Capitol. As I mount the steps (yes, mount them), a trio of elderly people stop me and ask me if I know the way to the Governor's Mansion.* I say "Yes" and proceed to give them "booklahver" directions which involve lots of landmarks and description because that's how I remember things. Out of nowhere comes Mr. Mcthinkshehelps and, interrupting me, gives his version of directions. His directions are succinct and involve street names. I throw up my hands in kind of like a "dude, you totally interrupted me!" motion. The trio thanks him, he goes on his way and I stand there like an idiot. I was really pissed!! It's not like he and I were walking together and he interrupted me, he flew in from left field and interrupted me.

As I walked in the Capitol, Mr. Mcthinkshehelps was in front of me. It took all my control not to whip my shoe at him. I vowed that if we got in the elevator together, I would totally tell him off. Alas, my opportunity had passed and my gentle Southern manners won over my rockin' feminist angst.

I also wondered if I might have a) a hormonal imbalance or b) a "so hungry I'm bitchy" moment that would be really unnecessary in this situation. BUT: I just polled two people (a man and a woman) about this scenario and was told that that man was indeed rude.

There is a silver lining to this story: the cafeteria had chocolate cake which I have been craving all week. Huzzah!

Pic of the day:

*If you don't know, the Governor's Mansion was set ablaze early Sunday morning. It's a devastating loss because of the historic and significant nature of this building. Plans to renovate and remodel it have already been approved (I think) but it's just a shame that this event had to occur in the first place. Pics of the blaze here.

Complain, complain, complain

A laundry list of complaints and rants:

• Diane Keaton. Quit phoning it in. Mad Money, Family Stone, Because I Said So. All these movies reek. I have always liked you but now...it's kind of embarrassing. Look, you've got cred, you've got some great classics under your belt, pull a Sarandon and take selective roles. I know some people have never liked you: that's their lost. Kay and JC Wiatt are begging to be seen again, not to mention Annie Hall.
• Cougars. Give it a rest. It's creepy, and not because you are older women, but because you are not using your power AS an older woman to make a positive image of an older women. Cougar power is ridiculous and the equivalent of those disgusting sugar daddy figures that you undoubtedly hate. The only great thing out of this movement: Cougar Den skit from SNL. Watch out for the overacting of Cameron Diaz though *shudder*
• What do you call a young guy dating an older woman?? Just another instance of a double standard since girls going with older men are called gold diggers but we don't have a name for these young men. Except mimbo but that's not that great.
• Not getting stressed out when pregnant. Every book/magazine/pamphlet talks about taking it easy while pregnant. I agree but in order for me to be stress-free, I need to not work or drive. Seriously: I get a little pissed when in traffic, mostly because people are making stupid decisions like cutting me off. Yesterday I got so mad, I had to turn off the radio and have a conversation with my baby apologizing for my behavior and any undue stress it might have caused him. I felt better after talking it out and I'm going to try to make an effort not to get stressed. But I know I'm going to be stressed. It could be a lot worse and most of the time I think that the stress the books are talking about is situational (i.e. don't know where you will live kind of constant stress).

Not everything is worthy of a complaint. Some positives: it rained today, I appear healthy, Mr. Wonderful is healthy, work has given me the opportunity to blog more, I'm eating YoCrunch, I'm hanging out with the ladies this weekend, and today is going by sorta fast. Huzzah!

****ACK! I just Googled "cougar women" to get a pic for my pic of the day and I got this website. ACKACKACK***

Pics of the day: Cougar vs. Sugar Daddy

VERSUS

Dreams can come true, look at me babe I'm into you

I have heard that when pregnant, your dreams become more vivid. I don't know that they have become more vivid because they were pretty vivid to start with. But I have remembered them more. Take with that what you will.

One night, I had a dream that this guy was berating me by calling me "Fattie." He kept saying "You're a fattie. Why are you so fat?" In the dream, I told him that I was pregnant and not a "fattie" and he needed to lay off.

The next night, I had a dream that there was a flashing, Vegas-like sign that said "Jelly Donut". There was also someone repeating "jelly donut, jelly donut" over and over again.

Naturally, the next day I got a jelly donut. It satisfied the craving but I'm still looking for the perfect jelly donut.

To me, the perfect jelly donut has some kind of red stuff in the middle with powder on top. Perfection!