Server watch!

Ah, day two of our server being down which means no website (for us, we can access other websites praise Jebus), no posting to the Internet, and lots of phone calls saying "I can't get into your website." Luckily the people calling have been nice and understanding. We also had to power down every network connected thing last night because of a total power failure. Welcome to the land of renovation!!! At least it's started...

I had a horrible dream last night. Well, in the dream I was having fun but I look back at it now in horror. I dreamt that I was in Paris...maybe....some foreign place that was pretty cool. Oh! It was Italy. Anyway, I was discussing with my travelers plans for the next day. I wanted to wing it and roam around, they wanted to stay inside and do something. Perhaps go to some Mexican restaurant chain that was from America. The important thing about the dream was that I was drinking, while pregnant!! That's horrific to me because I would never do that in real life. I wasn't just drinking a glass of wine, I had two mixed drinks and a very heavy on the vodka (it was a dream) margarita. At the table, this girl gave me a very disapproving look. I told her that I had drank the same combination of drinks the night before and I could totally handle it. She started talking about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and I gave her a slurred speech about how "alcohol affects every baby differently so even one sip could hurt the baby but I was o.k. because I could handle it" or some such nonsense. She still gave me the evil eye so I told her that I didn't need these drinks and I could put them down whenever I wanted. I asked her if she wanted me to and she said yes. So I stopped.

How stupid is that?? I realized this morning when I was recounting a story about the drunk people on our trip back from Russia that I had a dream about drinking. URGH!

We've been up and down this highway

Here's some newsworthies for you:

Ah Slate, how do I love thee. Slate ran an article reviewing a book, and the phenomenon of pop Christian culture, and it was like reading my own thoughts in an eloquent way. My favorite part of the article: Christian techno. Because apparently there are certain "God" chords that make music more Christian or inherently more religious than music of a similar genre. That's the only reason I can see for having techno Christian music. Stupid part of the article: the confinements of Christian music from the musician point of view. Really?? Is it because of the restriction of the God chords? Or you feel like you have to mention Jesus, God, faith or some other keyword in every song you write?? I own one Christian song and I like it alot. I would probably like many songs that weren't too stupid sounding. But yeah, why have imitation music when you can listen to the real thing.
ADDENDUM: I'm sorry, the stupidest thing about this article is the prank on the girl by making her think it was the Rapture. Um...don't you think God is watching you making people shit themselves because they think the world is ending?

The CDC has e-cards that you can send to your sexual partners after you have been diagnosed with a VD. Here's my favorite:
I suppose that it's a much easier way to break the news than a phone call. But....what do you put in the message area??

Tomorrow I head off to Russia. I've been looking forward to this trip for a while. I don't know anything about Russia and I don't plan to learn anything extra before I go. We have relatives over there so they have planned our activities and will be in charge of us. I'm excited!! Everything I will learn about Russia, I will learn from the Russian perspective. It should be interesting.

I got two new bras this weekend. They are fine except the there is a lethal bit of underwire that I'm going to have to take out. It pokes into my ribs and I'm constantly adjusting my clothes so I can fold a little barrier between my skin and bra. Sucks! I can't take it back either because they have a no return policy for their undergarments. Looks like Dr. Booklahver is going to have to surgically engineer her clothes for comfort.

Alright, I'm AUDI 5000. Pic of the day:

OH! And I started listening to The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. It's great and heartbreaking...

Mother, tell your children not to walk my way

May 11th is Mother's Day. I will be in Russia but I did order my mom a fruit bouquet that I hope she enjoys. I guess this Mother's Day seems poignant to me because I won't be here to celebrate it with her and, I suppose, it is my first Mother's Day??

When does one become a mother?? According to Jennifer Garner in Juno: "A woman becomes a mother the moment she finds out she's pregnant. A man becomes a father when he first sees the baby."

Now, while that might not be the most authoritative source, I would have to agree with this statement. Everything changes a little bit when you find out your pregnant. You start thinking more about what you are eating, drinking, how you feel, your stress levels, etc. because, if you are me, you don't want to start the baby on the wrong foot. Now, if the baby has something wrong with it, besides not knowing what I will do, I will try my damnedest not to blame myself. I have done all that I could think to do to help and protect my baby. I'm following the advice of the midwives, I passed my food diary with flying colors, everything seems to be on track. But I'm not counting my chick until it's hatched...it just doesn't feel right to do that. Because the alternative, having your baby and finding out there is something wrong with it, is too devastating if I just go "everything's great, tra la la." I'm not thinking about bad things all the time, it's just kind of a little thought in the back of my head.

But this post is supposed to be about mothers. So I will share a secret about my feelings about my own mother.

I remember, must have been elementary school, when I first recognized my mother. I mean, saw her as my mother. I remember seeing other people's mothers and understanding the relationship between the children and their mothers. And then one day, I made the connection that this woman was my mother. She was, to me, what those women were to their children. And I felt really disappointed and kind of ashamed. Because I thought that all those other mothers were so pretty and my mother wasn't. She had gray hair, she didn't wear make-up, she didn't wear jewelry, her clothes were not stylish (granted, I mostly saw her in her bedclothes or t-shirts/shorts because she was a stay at home mom). I just felt embarrassed that my mom wasn't like the other moms.

It wasn't a good day. I was embarrassed but I was also ashamed of myself. I never told her any of this and I'm so glad that I didn't. Because, as most people do, I grew up and matured. And as I got older, I saw her in so many different lights. I saw her beauty. Her kindness, her ability to be happy, even her strictness! All of her characteristics were so incredibly beautiful. And she radiates with this beauty. And, as much as I compared her physical attributes when I was younger, I compared her inner attributes to other mothers that I encountered as I got older. She never yelled at me in that ugly way that contorts people's faces with irrational anger. She never said "no" to me without first hearing and understanding what I had to say. She was always there for me and I saw so many kids wishing for that. She never babied me, she allowed me to make my own decisions, and she listened. By God, she listened!! Which was quite a feat since I would come home, daily, and gripe about people and things that happened at school. But she listened to it all. She cooked our meals, she washed our clothes and dishes, she taught us chores, and she showed us beauty.

So for this Mother's Day, I post this blog because I can't be there with my mom. Momma, this one's for you. I hope to raise my children like you raised me because I honestly can't think of a way to improve on anything that you have done. Well, maybe I won't cry at commercials as much. :)

Here's to you, Momma!



***she would murder me if she knew I posted her picture here....***