I just finished listening to My Rollercoaster by Kimya Dawson and in it, she states "live life to the fullest." I completely agree with her. But my question is, if I am waiting out my job until the next breath of freedom (dr.'s appt., vacation, 5:00 pm), am I living life to the fullest?? I would say no. I would say that I need to find a job I enjoy and I don't count down the hours. I would say that I need to be at a job where I'm not responsible for supervising people because I don't like supervising people unless I get to make the rules and I don't now. I am well aware of the whole "living to justify the means" kind of approach that I feel towards life..which is why I'm in this job, for security. And for the most part, I like the people. I just don't like the situation that I'm in. This dreaded renovation has made people stupid. It's stupid in itself. We should be in a different building where we aren't interrupted from serving people by requests to clean, take people to different, monitor those people on the floors, etc. All of this kerfuffle is from the renovation. And it's bringing out the worst in me. It's bringing out the stressed out Booklahver, the "shut down, make decisions, no arguments" Booklahver who is quick tempered and quick to action. I don't want to be stressed out. If not for my own mental clarity, for the fact that I don't want my baby to suffer. I know my stress level affects him and I don't want it to. I try to justify the situation with "it's not that bad, don't stress out" etc. but then the next heap of frustration hits my plate and it's all happening so fast, I don't have time to shut it out.
So, back to my favorite question ever, what's the solution?? Quit? Extended vacation? I try to let it roll off my back but I just have a really hard time doing that. The last three nights, I have had stressful work related dreams. Ridiculous, I know. But that is telling me something. What do I do?? I need help!