Mantra

I found a mantra!! Or at least some affirmations. From the book Blessingways by Shari Maser:

"My body is beautiful and strong...I accept the healthy pain of labor, if and when it comes...I share in the strength and wisdom of my mothers."

I changed "all mothers" to "my mothers" to honor the women in my family lines that have birthed before me.

I've had a lot of conflict when thinking about motherhood. Mostly because I have a desire to want to honor all mothers but I know that's not realistic since some women treat motherhood in ways that I don't approve of. So if I focus on my family line and the generations of women that have brought myself, my mother, my grandmother, and in five months, my baby into the world, I feel a sense of strength and courage. I don't feel that way when considering "all" mothers.

If you get a chance to read Blessingways, do it! It's a great way to think about the awesome power and responsibility of birth, and a great way to honor a loved one who is going through the birthing process.

Movies 'n' junk

Most of the time, I have music in my head. Today, I have the sounds peacocks make when they are waking you up. I was "privileged" to be awakened by such a call when Triciathered and I visited Mexico in college. I wish I could accurately type their call....it was like "Er-AHH, Er-AHH, Er-AHH!" Yeah....

I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall this weekend. It was pretty good. I liked it better than 40-Year-Old Virgin, a little bit better than Knocked Up, and light years better than Superbad.* I thought it was a good middle of the road kind of movie in the sense that it appealed to both men and women. I think 40 Year Old Virgin and Superbad really appealed to men and Knocked Up probably appealed to women more. I think Forgetting Sarah Marshall appeals to both sexes. Plus, it has a Dracula musical...with puppets!

I also got movie nachos. Movie nachos consist of a a tray with a bag of Tostitos-like chips, in the bag, and a container of cheese in a sealed yogurt like cup. You peel off the top of the cheese, which may or may not be warm, and open your bag of chips. The whole entire operation, however, is sealed in the tray. I got these nachos because I was craving them but I was actually craving the nachos you get at a sports concession. Observe the difference:

vs.

Granted, we didn't have the Tostitos brand but you get the idea. Complete difference in the taste and quality. I did, however, enjoy my movie hot dog!! :)

*I saw Superbad after all the hype so I think my perception may be a little skewed. I found it boring and vulgar. Also, I didn't believe high school guys really talked that way until I was assured by some former high school guys that, yes indeedy, they did talk that way.

What's my mantra?

According to this website, I need to adopt a mantra to get me through my feelings of "am I gaining weight too fast?". I agree. I think I'm down in the dumps for several reasons but one is because I'm starting to burst out of my clothes, I open my closet and I have nothing suitable to wear for work, and I have back pain that's probably related to the weight gain* (which is going away since I'm exercising my back regularly).

I actually thought about a birth mantra today. It was "Millions of women have done this, I can too!" The only other time I've had a mantra was when I was climbing up and down the stairs of St. Paul's Cathedral. Towards the top, the staircase became very narrow and made out of metal instead of stone. You could also look down through the metal steps and see to the next level. Scared the crap out of me. I took one step at a time on that staircase saying "Every step down is closer to the ground." It worked, although I was a huge bundle of nerves. But it worked!! I got to see the awesome view and I could say "Yeah! I've done it!"

Soooo...anyone have tips for a "sexy mama" mantra?? Or, if not sexy, how about a "non-lardass, you're fine and doing the right thing" mantra? I think it will help.

*Of about seven pounds. Yeah, I know. What's going to happen when I'm an Orca?

Or I'll have to leave

I'm feeling very emotional today. Like straight-up sad. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the persistent allergies. Or the fact that I need some new shirts because I'm starting to get too big for my other shirts. Or my persistent backache. Or the apathy of a staff worker that I may or may not be in charge of but I just wish he would go away so I wouldn't have to maybe or not deal with him. BLECH! I just want to take a half day and buy some new shirts, go home, make some food, and then enjoy the rest of the day. You figure you get 48 hours for the weekend but it always feel way too short. And it's not like I'm spending it camped in front of the TV...I'm doing stuff!! But when I don't really do anything during the week besides cross stitch, things just pile up for the weekend. I need to take a vacation at home. But I'm not going to ......sooooo.....

I had a dream last night that Mr. Wonderful was two different people: Dave and Brian. In my dream, I was engaged to Dave but I was starting to lust after Brian because he was like Dave but he could do more things. He was burlier, stronger, more knowledgeable, just Dave 2.0 basically. I felt very conflicted in my dream because I was realllly into Brian but I didn't want to leave Dave out of loyalty. When I woke up this morning, I was relieved that Dave and Brian are the same person: Mr. Wonderful. I have dreams like this fairly frequently. Most of the time, Mr. Wonderful is just a little off and I always wake up feeling so thankful that he is not the person in the dream. Because he is so much better than that. What does that even mean?

My back has been hurting alot lately but it feels better today. I have tried to relieve the situation by doing back exercises (cat/cow, a few other prenatals that I have run across, knee twists) and by sleeping on a pillow. So I have one pillow for my head and the other one is like the vertical part of a T for my back. It seems to be working for now. Yeah! I hope it continues because back pain sucks. There's nothing you can do for it except what I've been trying.

That's all for now. I don't feel like posting a picture. Blech.